I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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