a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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