Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize