I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
