Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
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Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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