At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
