Me too!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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