Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize