One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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