i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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