I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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