Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
