I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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