That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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