Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
