I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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