mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My ATM looks so different sober.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
