My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
