I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
