Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
