There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
