Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
