party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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