oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize