i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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