god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
