when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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