youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Come see our sink grown plant.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
