the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
