I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
