Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
