Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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