One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
