unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
