he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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