my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize