God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
