Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
