Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
