He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
