Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
