But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
