Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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