What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
