I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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