Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.

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(510): View more from California

Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista

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(203): View more from Connecticut

You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Did it finish?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?

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(630): View more from Illinois

I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.

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(425): View more from Washington

I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face

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(513): View more from Ohio

It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch

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