i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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