Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
