If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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