I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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