whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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