Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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