wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
