The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
