can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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