Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
