just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
