No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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