brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
