and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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